I confess to using this term and have said - either to myself, a friend, or my husband - that the person is ‘too gay’. For me, when I’ve said or thought it, it relates to how someone conducts themselves and has nothing to do with what gender they prefer. In fact straight men can be accused of being too gay. On the other hand, I’ve said a man is straight acting but never said ‘too straight’.
Probably the harshest critics of gay men are gay men. This is something I’ve had negative personal experiences with and, as a result, it’s left me a little judgmental toward flamboyant, over the top queens. I do tend to make a personality assumption on face value, assuming the flamboyance goes hand in hand with clique bitchiness, and saying a person is ‘too gay for my liking’. Having said that, I give people an equal chance and don’t hold onto a judgment if an individual proves me wrong. My bigotry is a direct result of being bullied and deemed an outcast by a group I had the misfortune of meeting via a friend. Why was I an outcast? Because I wasn’t gay enough to fit in with the queens and not butch enough for them to label me ‘straight acting’. My androgynous looks, fashion sense, small stature, and quiet speaking voice were in contrast to my behavior. I was expected to act as effeminately as I looked and, when I didn’t, it left me unclassifiable.
I’ve never heard it used to describe someone who likes penises too much. In my experience within the gay community it isn’t possible to like penises too much! It is possible to not like them enough. I can’t stand the GLBT Mardi Gras because I think it’s too gay. My husband thinks it’s too gay. A lesbian friend of mine doesn’t like it either because she thinks it’s too gay. Again, in that context, the term is also used to describe something that tips the flamboyance scales to overload. It isn’t always intended to be a derogatory term. A colour can be too gay. Shoes, car, food, an outfit, a breed of dog... just about anything can be called too gay.
Sometimes certain sayings and expressions are considered more offensive by the straight community than they are to the gay community. I can call a very over the top acquaintance of mine ‘too gay’ and he’d laugh and agree with me. Like most sayings it’s more a matter of how it’s said and in what context as to whether or not it would be taken as offensive. To be honest, until this question was posed to me, it never entered my mind that the saying was anything other than an off the cuff remark. It’s always been used by me, and my husband, to describe flamboyance or something prissy. I’ve never even considered using it to describe a degree of sexual preference. Also, certain sayings are used differently in different countries. For example what may be considered a cuss word in the USA is not considered at all offensive in Australia. For that reason I can only speak on personal experience.
Either way, it’s an interesting question and not something I’d thought anything of before.
Check out the original post and Tom's response HERE
Jason's response HERE
Matthew D's response HERE